6 Habits of Remarkably Likeable People

By Jeff Haden | Inc – Wed, Jan 2, 2013 1:52 PM EST

Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela are both very likeable

When you meet someone, after, "What do you do?" you're out of things to say. You suck at small talk, and those first five minutes are tough because you're a little shy and a little insecure.

But you want to make a good impression. You want people to genuinely like you.

Here's how remarkably likeable people do it:

They lose the power pose.

I know: Your parents taught you to stand tall, square your shoulders, stride purposefully forward, drop your voice a couple of registers, and shake hands with a firm grip.

It's great to display nonverbal self-confidence, but go too far and it seems like you're trying to establish your importance. That makes the "meeting" seem like it's more about you than it is the other person--and no one likes that.

No matter how big a deal you are you pale in comparison to say, oh, Nelson Mandela. So take a cue from him. Watch how he greets Bill Clinton, no slouch at this either.

Clinton takes a step forward (avoiding the "you must come to me" power move); Mandela steps forward with a smile and bends slightly forward as if, ever so slightly, to bow (a clear sign of deference and respect in nearly every culture); Clinton does the same. What you have are two important people who put aside all sense of self-importance or status. They're genuine.

Next time you meet someone, relax, step forward, tilt your head towards them slightly, smile, and show that you're the one who is honored by the introduction--not them.

We all like people who like us. If I show you I'm genuinely happy to meet you, you'll instantly start to like me. (And you'll show that you do, which will help calm my nerves and let me be myself.)

They embrace the power of touch.

Nonsexual touch can be very powerful. (Yes, I'm aware that sexual touch can be powerful too.) Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly.

Go easy, of course: Pat the other person lightly on the upper arm or shoulder. Make it casual and nonthreatening.

Check out Clinton's right-hand-shakes-hands-left-hand-touches-Mandela's-forearm-a-second-later handshake in the link above and tell me, combined with his posture and smile, that it doesn't come across as genuine and sincere.

Think the same won't work for you? Try this: The next time you walk up behind a person you know, touch them lightly on the shoulder as you go by. I guarantee you'll feel like a more genuine greeting was exchanged.

Touch breaks down natural barriers and decreases the real and perceived distance between you and the other person--a key component in liking and in being liked.

They whip out their social jiu-jitsu.

You meet someone. You talk for 15 minutes. You walk away thinking, "Wow, we just had a great conversation. She is awesome."

Then, when you think about it later, you realize you didn't learn a thing about the other person.

Remarkably likeable people are masters at Social Jiu-Jitsu, the ancient art of getting you to talk about yourself without you ever knowing it happened. SJJ masters are fascinated by every step you took in creating a particularly clever pivot table, by every decision you made when you transformed a 200-slide PowerPoint into a TED Talk-worthy presentation, if you do say so yourself...

SJJ masters use their interest, their politeness, and their social graces to cast an immediate spell on you.

And you like them for it.

Social jiu-jitsu is easy. Just ask the right questions. Stay open-ended and allow room for description and introspection. Ask how, or why, or who.

As soon as you learn a little about someone, ask how they did it. Or why they did it. Or what they liked about it, or what they learned from it, or what you should do if you're in a similar situation.

No one gets too much recognition. Asking the right questions implicitly shows you respect another person's opinion--and, by extension, the person.

We all like people who respect us, if only because it shows they display great judgment.

(Kidding. Sort of.)

They whip out something genuine.

Everyone is better than you at something. (Yes, that's true even for you.) Let them be better than you.

Too many people when they first meet engage in some form of penis-measuring contest. Crude reference but one that instantly calls to mind a time you saw two alpha male master-of-the business-universe types whip out their figurative rulers. (Not literally, of course. I hope you haven't seen that.)

Don't try to win the "getting to know someone" competition. Try to lose. Be complimentary. Be impressed. Admit a failing or a weakness.

You don't have to disclose your darkest secrets. If the other person says, "We just purchased a larger facility," say, "That's awesome. I have to admit I'm jealous. We've wanted to move for a couple years but haven't been able to put together the financing. How did you pull it off?"

Don't be afraid to show a little vulnerability. People may be (momentarily) impressed by the artificial, but people sincerely like the genuine.

Be the real you. People will like the real you.

They ask for nothing.

You know the moment: You're having a great conversation, you're finding things in common... and then bam! Someone plays the networking card. 

And everything about your interaction changes.

Put away the hard-charging, goal-oriented, always-on kinda persona. If you have to ask for something, find a way to help the other person, then ask if you can.

Remarkably likeable people focus on what they can do for you--not for themselves.

They "close" genuinely.

"Nice to meet you," you say, nodding once as you part. That's the standard move, one that is instantly forgettable.

Instead go back to the beginning. Shake hands again. Use your free hand to gently touch the other person's forearm or shoulder. Say, "I am really glad I met you." Or say, "You know, I really enjoyed talking with you." Smile: Not that insincere salesperson smile that goes with, "Have a nice day!" but a genuine, appreciative smile.

Making a great first impression is important, but so is making a great last impression.

And they accept it isn't easy.

All this sounds simple, right? It is. But it's not easy, especially if you're shy. The standard, power pose, "Hello, how are you, good to meet you, good seeing you," shuffle feels a lot safer.

But it won't make people like you.

So accept it's hard. Accept that being a little more deferential, a little more genuine, a little more complimentary and a little more vulnerable means putting yourself out there. Accept that at first it will feel risky.

But don't worry: When you help people feel a little better about themselves--which is reason enough--they'll like you for it.

And you'll like yourself a little more, too.

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"Fiscal cliff" deal looks so-so for U.S. businesses on taxes

By Kevin Drawbaugh and Kim Dixon | Reuters

Associated Press/J. Scott Applewhite - House Speaker John Boehner Ohio walks to his office on Capitol Hill in Washington, Tuesday, Jan. 1, 2013, as legislation to negate a fiscal cliff of across-the-board tax increases and sweeping spending cuts moves to the GOP-dominated House following a bipartisan, middle-of-the-night approval in the Senate. Boehner is expected to encounter opposition from conservatives within his own party. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite) 

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The "fiscal cliff" deal that slowly, painfully took shape in the U.S. Congress in recent days fulfills some of corporate America's tax policy goals, but leaves others unmet, including a big one - meaningful deficit and debt reduction.

The bill, which received final congressional approval late on Tuesday on a 257-167 bipartisan vote in the House of Representatives, would provide businesses with greater tax certainty in the short term.

About $46 billion in business tax breaks were included in the compromise, forged by Democratic Vice President Joe Biden and Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell and approved early on Tuesday by the U.S. Senate.

President Barack Obama was expected to sign the bill soon.

The legislation contains a long list of tax "extenders," or temporary tax provisions that will be perpetuated for a year.

Some big-ticket items were part of that, including an extension through 2013 of the widely claimed research and development tax credit. Also included was a provision allowing businesses to write off immediately half the value of new investments, known as 50 percent bonus depreciation.

The legislation also includes a wide range of other favors for select industries, including tax breaks for railroad track maintenance, restaurant and retail store improvements, auto racetracks, film and television production, and rum production in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

WIND POWER BACKED

Numerous tax breaks for wind power production and other alternative energy technologies were also included.

"This agreement might not be seen as perfect by everyone, but it gives American consumers and businesses the certainty they need to put worries over this issue behind them," said Matthew Shay, head of the National Retail Federation.

Washington's army of business tax lobbyists need not fear that the bill will leave them with nothing left to do. Just as notable as what is in the deal is what is not, especially when it comes to reducing the federal deficit.

The legislation postpones for two months the deep federal spending cuts, known as the "sequester," that were a central worry of the "fiscal cliff." That delay could set up another fiscal cliff in late February, analysts said.

Corporate America has dedicated millions of dollars in recent months to lobbying lawmakers for deficit and debt reduction, seen as crucial to preserving the nation's credit standing and financial power. The legislation would do little on that.

NO 'TERRITORIAL' SYSTEM

The compromise also makes no mention of setting up a new method of taxing profits made offshore and brought into the country by U.S. multinational corporations. Many such businesses have been pushing for a "territorial system" that would let them bring foreign-earned profits home with little or no taxation.

The White House did note in its summary of the legislation that it left "substantial scope' for "reforming corporate taxes" and cutting the corporate tax rate to make it more competitive with the rate in other industrialized countries.

That had been a key goal of lobbyists.

Guggenheim Partners policy analyst Chris Krueger said the deal was "far above what was expected" for business.

He said, "On the deficit reduction side of things, it was clearly a miss, but I suspect they will take the short-term certainty with extenders over entitlement reform any day."

On the other side of the business tax fence, advocates of closing special loopholes that help certain industries had reason to be disappointed. The legislation contains no mention of ending key tax breaks for the oil and gas business, or for senior managers of private equity firms and hedge funds.

Also left out was a proposal once trumpeted by Obama, in a piece of political symbolism, to end accelerated depreciation of corporate jets. An Obama proposal to end last-in-first-out accounting, a cost-saving business accounting method, also was nowhere in sight.

Those omissions from the compromise plan mean much work remains for those wishing to overhaul the U.S. tax code. That is a project that may or may not materialize in 2013.

(Editing by Peter Cooney)

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"Fiscal cliff" moves to US House, outcome uncertain

US lawmakers hoped to resolve any uncertainty over the so-called ``fiscal cliff'' before financial markets reopen the following day.

WASHINGTON: US lawmakers hoped Tuesday to resolve any uncertainty over the so-called ``fiscal cliff'' before financial markets reopen the following day, withthe House of Representatives considering urgent legislation approved by the Senate in a middle-of-the-night New Year's drama unlike any other in the history of Congress. 

The largely tax-focused legislation was only part of the grand deal President Barack Obama had hoped to make with lawmakers on addressing the country's chronic deficit spending, meaning that his administration and a bitterly partisan Congress face more showdowns on fiscal issues in the months ahead.

Economists, who had warned that the ``fiscal cliff'' combination of higher taxes on almost all Americans and deep spending cuts taking effect at the start of the year would spin the country back into recession, were warning that even a limited agreement to avoid it could still dent economic growth. 

Rejection of the legislation by the Republican-controlled House, which days ago expressed its disapproval of tax increases, would mean that any fiscal deal would have to start over when a new Congress, with dozens of new members, is seated Thursday. 

The deal under consideration Tuesday tackled one of the most sensitive issues: higher taxes. The measure would be the first significant bipartisan tax increase since 1990. It would prevent taxes from going up on the poor and middle class but would raise rates on households making more than $450,000 a year. 

It also would also put off for two months more than $100 billion in automatic spending cuts that were set to hitthe Pentagon and domestic programs starting this week, and it would extend unemployment benefits for the long-term unemployed. 

The measure cleared the Senate on an 89-8 vote not long after midnight Tuesday, hours after Vice PresidentJoe Biden and Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell, veteran negotiators, sealed a deal. 

The top Republican in Congress, House Speaker John Boehner, was briefing his party members Tuesday, while Biden met with House Democrats. A Boehner aide said Republican leaders would not decide their course until a second meeting later in the day. 

Boehner, pointedly refrained from endorsing the agreement, though he promised a vote on it or a Republican alternative right away. He was expected to encounter opposition from House conservatives, who oppose any tax increase at all. 

The spending cuts will have to be addressed in the coming weeks and months, along with an increase in the government's borrowing limit as it seeks to pay its bills. The midnight deadline Monday had been set back in 2011 as motivation for the Obama administration and Congress to get serious about taking sweeping action to address deficit spending that has averaged about $1 trillion a year. 

Obama, who had campaigned for re-election on the promise of protecting households making under $250,000 a year from a tax increase, praised the agreement after the Senate's vote. Some liberal Democrats were disappointed that the White House did not stick to a harder line in negotiations, considering that Obama no longer faces re-election. 

``While neither Democrats nor Republicans got everything they wanted, this agreement is the right thing to do for our country and the House should pass it without delay,'' Obama said in a statement. ``This agreement will also grow the economy and shrink our deficits in a balanced way _ by investing in our middle class, and by asking the wealthy to pay a little more.'' 

The sweeping Senate vote exceeded expectations and would appear to give momentum to the measure despite lingering questions in the House, where conservative forces sank a recent bid by Boehner to permit taxes to rise on incomes exceeding $1 million, returning them to Clinton-era levels of the 1990s. 

Even die-hard conservatives in the Senate endorsed the measure, arguing that the alternative was to raise taxes on virtually every earner. 

``I reluctantly supported it because it sets in stone lower tax rates for roughly 99 percent of American taxpayers,'' said Sen. Orrin Hatch. ``With millions of Americans watching Washington with anger, frustration and anxiety that their taxes will skyrocket, this is the best course of action we can take to protect as many people as possible from massive tax hikes.'' 

Other features of the measure: 

_ It would raise the top tax rate on large estates to 40 percent, from 35 percent. 

_ Taxes on capital gains and dividends over $400,000 for individuals and $450,000 for couples would be taxed at 20 percent, up from 15 percent. 

_ Jobless benefits for the long-term unemployed would be extended for an additional year at a cost of $30 billion. 

_ Another $64 billion would go to renew tax breaks for businesses and for renewable energy purposes, like tax credits for energy-efficient appliances

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Senate passes 'fiscal cliff' deal, House up next

By Olivier Knox, Yahoo! News 

With 2013 just over two hours old, the Senate voted 89-8 on Tuesday to approve a last-minute deal to avert income tax hikes on all but the richest Americans and stall painful spending cuts as part of a hard-fought compromise to avoid the economically toxic “fiscal cliff.”

The country had already technically tumbled over the cliff by the time the gavel came down on the vote at 2:07 a.m.. The House of Representatives was not due to return to work to take up the measure until midday on Tuesday. But with financial markets closed for New Year's Day, quick action by lawmakers would likely limit the economic damage.

The lopsided margin belied anxiety on both sides about the deal, which emerged from barely two days of talks between Vice President Joe Biden and Republican Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. Among the “no” votes: Republican Senator Marco Rubio, widely thought to have his eye on the 2016 presidential race.

In remarks just before the vote, McConnell repeatedly called the agreement “imperfect” but said it beat allowing income tax rates rise across the board.

“I know I can speak for my entire conference when I say we don’t think taxes should be going up on anyone, but we all knew that if we did nothing they’d be going up on everyone today,” he said. “We weren’t going to let that happen.”

“Our most important priority was to protect middle-class families. This legislation does that,” Democratic Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said. But Reid cautioned that “passing this agreement does not mean negotiations halt. Far from it.”

Compromises on tax rates

Under the compromise arrangement, taxes would rise on income above $400,000 for individuals and $450,000 for households, while exemptions and deductions the wealthiest Americans use to reduce their tax bill would face new limits. The accord would also raise the taxes paid on large inheritances from 35% to 40% for estates over $5 million. And it would extend by one year unemployment benefits for some two million Americans. It would also prevent cuts in payments to doctors who treat Medicare patients and spare tens of millions of Americans who otherwise would have been hit with the Alternative Minimum Tax.

The middle class will still see its taxes go up: The final deal did not include an extension of the payroll tax holiday. And the overall package will deepen the deficit by hundreds of billions of dollars by extending the overwhelming majority of the Bush tax cuts. Many Democrats had opposed those measures in 2001 and 2003. Obama agreed to extend them in 2010.

Efforts to modify the first installment of $1.2 trillion in cuts to domestic and defense programs over 10 years -- the other portion of the “fiscal cliff,” known as sequestration -- had proved a sticking point late in the game. Democrats had sought a year-long freeze but ultimately caved to Republican pressure and signed on to just a two-month delay while broader deficit-reduction talks continue.

Debt-limit battle looms

That would put the next major battle over spending cuts right around the time that the White House and its Republican foes are battling it out over whether to raise the country's debt limit. Republicans have vowed to push for more spending cuts, equivalent to the amount of new borrowing. Obama has vowed not to negotiate as he did in 2011, when a bruising fight threatened the first-ever default on America's obligations and resulted in the first-ever downgrade of the country's credit rating. Biden sent that message to Democrats in Congress, two senators said.

Experts had warned that the fiscal cliff's tax increases and spending cuts, taken together, could plunge the still-fragile economy into a new recession.

Biden, evidently in good spirits after playing a central role in crafting the deal, said little on his way into or out of a roughly one hour and 45 minute meeting behind closed doors with Senate Democrats. "Happy New Year," he said on the way in. Asked on the way out what his chief selling point had been, the vice president reportedly replied: "Me."

Biden's intervention; hurdles in the House

Hours earlier, a Democratic Senate aide told Yahoo News that "the White House and Republicans have a deal," while a source familiar with the negotiations said President Barack Obama had discussed the compromise with Reid and Democratic House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and "they both signed off."

But the House’s Republican leaders, including Speaker John Boehner, hinted in an unusual joint statement that they might amend anything that clears the Senate – a step that could kill the deal.

“Decisions about whether the House will seek to accept or promptly amend the measure will not be made until House members -- and the American people -- have been able to review the legislation,” they said.

Biden, a 36-year Senate veteran, worked out the agreement with McConnell after talks between Obama and Boehner collapsed and a similar effort between McConnell and Reid followed suit shortly thereafter. With the deal mostly done, Obama made a final push at the White House.

“Today, it appears that an agreement to prevent this New Year's tax hike is within sight, but it's not done,” Obama said in hastily announced midday remarks at the White House. “There are still issues left to resolve, but we're hopeful that Congress can get it done – but it’s not done.”

"One thing we can count on with respect to this Congress is that if there is even one second left before you have to do what you’re supposed to do, they will use that last second," he said.

Obama’s remarks – by turns scolding, triumphant, and mocking of Congress – came after talks between McConnell and Biden appeared to seal the breakthrough deal.

“I can report that we’ve reached an agreement on all of the tax issues,” McConnell said on the Senate floor moments later. “We are very, very close to an agreement.”

The Kentucky Republican later briefed Republicans on the details of the deal. Lawmakers emerged from that closed-door session offered hopeful appraisals that, after clearing a few last-minute hurdles, they could vote on New Year’s Eve or with 2013 just hours old.

“Tonight, I hope,” Republican Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee told reporters. “It may be at 1, 2, 3, 4 in the morning. Oh, I guess that’s technically tomorrow.”

Reckoning with the 'sequester'

Republican Senators said negotiators were still working on a way to forestall two months of the “sequester” spending cuts, about $20 billion worth. And some expressed disquiet that the tentative compromise ran high on tax increases and low on spending cuts -- while warning that failure to act, triggering some $600 billion in income tax increases on all Americans who pay it and draconian spending cuts, was the worse option.

McConnell earlier had called for a vote on the tax component of the deal.

“Let me be clear: We’ll continue to work on finding smarter ways to cut spending, but let’s not let that hold up protecting Americans from the tax hike,” McConnell urged. “Let’s pass the tax relief portion now. Let’s take what’s been agreed to and get moving.”

House passage was not a sure thing: Both the AFL-CIO labor union and the conservative Heritage Action organization argued against the package.

The breakthrough came after McConnell announced Sunday that he had started to negotiate with Biden in a bid to "jump-start" stalled talks to avoid the fiscal cliff.

Under their tentative deal, the top tax rate on household income above $450,000 would rise from 35 percent to 39.6 percent -- where it was under Bill Clinton, before the reductions enacted under George W. Bush in 2001 and 2003.

Some congressional liberals had expressed objections to extending tax cuts above the $250,000 income threshold Obama cited throughout the 2012 campaign. Democrats were huddling in private as well to work out whether they could support the arrangement.

Obama responds to critics

Possibly with balking progressives in mind, Obama trumpeted victories dear to the left of his party. "The potential agreement that’s being talked about would not only make sure the taxes don’t go up on middle-class families, it also would extend tax credits for families with children. It would extend our tuition tax credit that’s helped millions of families pay for college. It would extend tax credits for clean energy companies that are creating jobs and reducing our dependence on foreign oil. It would extend unemployment insurance to 2 million Americans who are out there still actively looking for a job."

Obama said he had hoped for "a larger agreement, a bigger deal, a grand bargain," to stem the tide of red ink swamping the country’s finances – but shelved that goal.

"With this Congress, that was obviously a little too much to hope for at this time," he said. "It may be we can do it in stages. We’re going to solve this problem instead in several steps."

The president also looked ahead to his next budgetary battle with Republicans, warning that “any future deficit agreement” will have to couple spending cuts with tax increases. He expressed a willingness to reduce spending on popular programs like Medicare, but said entitlement reform would have to go hand in hand with new tax revenues.

“If Republicans think that I will finish the job of deficit reduction through spending cuts alone … then they’ve another thing coming,” Obama said defiantly. “That’s not how it’s going to work.”

“If we’re serious about deficit reduction and debt reduction, then it’s going to have to be a matter of shared sacrifice. At least as long as I’m president. And I’m going to be president for the next four years, I hope,” he said.

The other “no” votes were: Michael Bennet (D-Col.), Tom Carper (D-Del.), Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa), Tom Harkin (D-Iowa), Mike Lee (R-Utah), Rand Paul (R-Ken.), and Richard Shelby (R-Ala.). Republicans Jim DeMint of South Carolina and Mark Kirk of Illinois as well as Democrat Frank Lautenberg of New Jersey did not vote.

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